Saturday, October 29, 2011

Did he just call me...

 A Mega-Nerd?

 Seriously? In the World of Warcraft community forums for Mists of Pandaria? Is a Mega-Nerd better or worse than a regular nerd, or geek, or pseudo-nerd?

 Wait... lets read this again... something something mega-nerds play Warcraft III something. Oh. Well I never had the good fortune to play Warcraft III, so I guess I am not a Mega-Nerd. I'm not sure whether I should be happy or sad about that.

 Whatever. I'm not too worried as this poster at one point misspelled Mega-Nerd. I apologize to you, Reader, for not posting a link or citation you might verify, but trust me you're not missing anything.

Not Pandas
 Besides the amusing Mega-Nerd comment, there was absolutely nothing worth reading in the thread. Nor was there much else to read in the entire MoP forum the Day Azeroth Stood Still, the day Blizzard released the first bits on the much anticipated next expansion, Mists of Pandaria(MoP).

 I'm talking about the MoP Forums, and you can find them here.

 As far as I can tell, these forums released at the opening or shortly after the opening ceremonies at Blizzcon. If you weren't at work (not working) and browsing the community site, it was at this point our brightest shining stars rocked the new forums with their most poignant interwebs opinions and game critiques.  In this explosion, the like of which will never be seen again, the spelling and grammar sent Learn to Spell back to the Dark Ages.

Destroyer of Worlds
 Pandas destroy everything from Commas to the Game, and if you believe these new Forums, they will destroy you too! Insert: But I for one, welcome our new Panda Overlords.

 I'm not here to give yet another speil on the Panda's or Pokewow or whatever. I have looked at all the features released so far, but not enough for me to head one way or the other. To be frank, if anyone can make Giant Humanoid Panda Badass, it's Blizzard. Much in the way of the humanoid Cows and the Space Goat.

You wanna know what I'm saying here? You. Guys. Are. Fucking. Nuts.

 Not the eight or nine people who actually read this blog. Seriously you all are teh awesome! I mean all the players getting bent out of shape over Pandas, Srs Bzns, and the Non-combat WoW Pets combat system . Honestly, we need to take a step back and remember what we're doing here, and I can tell you it's not ducking bullets and saving lives. We play games.

 I get passion. I get you and your involvement in the game world, Emo Pete, I really do. But can you tell me the societal and theological differences between walking, talking cows and walking, talking Pandas? Don't lie to me, I know you can't do it. You just need to be heard. And I get that too.

I mean, I write this blog, and it really hasn't 'said' anything at all yet, has it?

 Being a voice, however, doesn't grant you license make a mockery of common sense and good taste. "Mega-Nerds can haz their Pandas, I will go play SWTOR with the sweet Giant Talking Humanoid Squid" This is what you're telling people, in a public forum, for anyone to come along and read. Preserved for posterity like polished bronze feces. Good work, Hoss.

 It's a TRAP! This boggles the mind. How do you live with yourselves? How can you justify irrational squid on panda hate like this? It's bloody racism, that's what that is. High fantasy sci-fi racism at its best, may Tolkien have mercy on all your souls.

 It appears Pandas aren't serious enough to be played by mature adults. Insert: this Srs Bzns bit is my personal favourite, watch out! There is no way on this blue planet to describe how sad this statement makes me other then /wrists. Only a complete moron with nothing rooted in reality can say this with all sincerity.

 "I can't play Pandas cause it's kids stuff!"

 This Rhodes scholar later went on to complete a Heroic on his Tauren Hunter. You know who you are. What you don't know, because you have no friends to tell you, is you're a douche. And stoopid and cannot spell good.

 I really could go on forever. I appreciate a good head-to-desk post with all the delicious irony that urging others who may or may not read and write to be nice to each by calling them douchebags, but I get distracted really... wait? Wat?

 I also think at this point you might be thinking "LastXunn, why U so mad bro?" I'm not, but since your asking, my answer is a little angst mixed into this primordial ooze of sarcasm is justified in this instance. While we're about it, stop calling me a noob. I'm not new. You're a noob, so there!

Wait. Stop. Sorry. Insert: Keep it together, Xunn.

Let me drop some plates on you fine readers who've made it this far.

 First: Stay in school. Truth. I predict, conservatively, 40% of WoW players are English speaking players. From those numbers we can estimate approximately 1% can actually reed and rite englesh. Seriously, the forums are atrocious. Although I made all this up,you should still be ashamed, what ever your age or background. Insert: Grammar and Spelling are Srs Bzns! 

ummm... the heck? I said no drugs!
 Second: Stop taking Drugs before posting. Even if it 'helps' your grammar and spelling, inebriated posting is not cool. No where in the Code of Conduct does it strictly state not to use illicit narcotics, but lets use our heads here. Make a point we all can understand without Crystal Meth. Keep it relevant and on topic.

 Thirdsies: Do I, or do I not, want to be a Mega-Nerd and how do I go about obtaining or shedding this cloak of awesomesauce or shroud of bronzestreaks?

 Lastly: For the love of the Light, relax. If WoW is your life, and Pandas are descending to destroy said life, read a book. Or go for a walk, off a pier. Or whatever it takes to remove yourself from this prison you're in. It is not healthy. It says right on the load screen to take everything in moderation, and this includes World of Warcraft and Cheetos. Nothing about WoW should have rational players running to the forums to scream at other players.

Chill out, brah. Umad.

2 comments:

  1. Precisely why I avoid forums save for the New Player and occasionally the CS ones. People are teh stoopid. :P

    I for one am excited about this next expansion. Being a Pokemon fan since I was 10, I have absolutely no complaints about a Pokemon-like system being combined with my other favorite game, WoW. It's like a dream come true for me, really.

    And pandas? They look like they'll be really fun. I don't quite understand all the hatred for them (or even more mind-boggling, the posts I've seen railing about how Chinese culture is horrible and unwanted and we'd much rather have an expansion with zones containing more deserts or snow). Being Asian myself and having a minor in Asian Studies, I am really quite excited to see how Blizzard is going to incorporate aspects of Chinese/Japanese culture into a fantasy setting. And pandas... I mean, how can you not like those? Dey is wonderful. :3

    Very amusing post; I think you spoke what many of us have been thinking about these whiny posts on the forums since the MoP announcement. xD

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  2. I must admit I am a bit skeptical about certain announcements that were made at Blizzcon, but I agree that there are more civil ways of giving feedback than the shitstorm that is appearing on several community forums.

    About the spelling thing, someone once told me the better spellers are often non-English speakers, and I think this might be partly true.

    I've seen my own mother tongue (Dutch) get butchered on Dutch-speaking sites too, to the point that it looks like people have no clue what words they're using. The equivalent of a native English speaker mixing up 'whether' and 'weather', but worse. They would write 'wedder' or something like that, it's horrible.

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